Volume 7 • 2020 • Issue 5

if you’ve understood everything correctly. In any conversation it’s important to show respect for co-workers’ ideas by giving them your full attention while they speak, and not interrupting or finishing their sentences. ¨ Paraphrase, reframe and summarize. It will help clarify expectations, address any misperceptions, and offer everyone a clearer understanding of what is being said. To paraphrase, use opening lines such as: “It sounds like.” or “If I’m hearing you correctly.” or “So what you’re saying is.” and then repeat what you’ve heard and understood in your own words. This will give everyone participating in the conversation a chance to measure where everyone stands and also whether or not what needs to be communicated has been done so successfully. ¨ Mirror the body language of others. This shows that you are “in tune” or “in sync” with what the other person has to say. For example, if the person you are with leans forward or crosses their legs while speaking, try (discreetly) mimicking their body movements. Good communicators also use this technique to relax other people and make them feel “at home” during their conversation. ¨ Respect the space of others. It’s very appropriate to consider personal space and boundaries, when you are communicating face-to-face with another person. A good rule of thumb is to stand about an arm’s length from others when talking. Standing too close can make people uncomfortable and standing too far away suggests that you may feel intimidated. Find a middle ground that makes everyone, including yourself, comfortable. Assertive Communication Assertive communication is when you give yourself permission to express your needs, wants, feelings and opinions to others in a direct and honest manner. It’s also about setting boundaries and communicating these boundaries to others. Here are a few tips to try the next time you are engaged in a conversation and would like to assert yourself. ¨ Use the “three-line assertion message.” This is a three-step statement that helps provide clarity and understanding: •  Step 1. You understand and summarize the facts of the situation. •  Step 2. You indicate your feelings towards the situation. •  Step 3. You state what you want from the situation. ¨ Use assertive body language. It will increase the effectiveness of your statement. This includes: making eye contact; non‑aggressive body signals such as maintaining a relaxed facial expression and sitting or standing upright with relaxed shoulders and arms; and breathing normally. As you practice these tips keep in mind that being assertive doesn’t mean being aggressive. Assertive communication is never intentionally hurtful. Aggressive communication, on the other hand, typically employs bullying tactics (such as name-calling, finger pointing or yelling) and is conducted with a disregard for the thoughts or feelings of others. The key to practicing assertiveness is to ensure that everyone feels respected and heard. Communication to Resolve Conflicts Most workplace conflicts are rooted in miscommunication. Try practicing the basics of good communication and applying assertiveness techniques with active listening skills—it can be an invaluable resource in difficult work situations when the pressure is really on. You’ll find that this combination is an effective way to clear up any mixed messages or misunderstandings and address the cause of the conflict. Here are a few other simple suggestions to help you manage your way through difficult encounters or conflicts: ¨ Use “I” messages such as “I sense,” “I feel,” and “I think,” rather than accusatory messages such as “You said,” and “You never (or always).” ¨ Avoid assuming or attributing motives to the other person, or interpreting a disagreement as a personal attack. ¨ Try to suspend judgment. In learning another person’s views, you may gain new insights and discover common ground. ¨ Try to show appreciation to the person for expressing their views. ¨ Give yourself time to step away if you are angry or upset, and suggest the discussion continue at a later date when both parties will be able to be focused and constructive. As you begin to put these new techniques into practice, it’s important to remember that the meaning attributed to body language, gestures, space and tone can differ from culture to culture, and can be easily misinterpreted. If you are communicating across cultures it’s best, where possible, to take the time to understand the nuances of the other person’s communication style. And remember also, when you are speaking to anyone, to take individual personality styles into consideration. Communication is not always easy, but, when you apply the basic rules of good communication, you will dramatically increase your chances of being understood and of understanding others. After all, that is what communication is all about. S upporting Y our P ractice 31 Issue 5 | 2020 |